A guy goes into a restaurant and lounge, his shirt open
at the collar, but is stopped by a bouncer who tells
him he must wear a necktie to get in.
So the guy goes out to his car and he looks around
for a tie and discovers that he just doesn't have one.
He sees a set of jumper cables in his trunk. In desperation
he ties these around his neck, manages to fashion a
fairly acceptable looking knot and lets the ends dangle
He goes back to the restaurant and the bouncer carefully
looks him over for a few minutes and then says, "Well,
okay, I guess you can come in -- just don't start anything."
A man is crawling through the Sahara desert when
he is approached by another man riding on a camel. As
the rider approaches, the crawling man whispers through
his parched lips, "Water ... please ... can you
give ... water ..."
"I'm sorry," replies the man on the camel,
"I don't have any water with me. But I'd be delighted
to sell you a necktie."
"Necktie?" whispers the man. "I need
"They're only four dollars apiece."
"I need water."
"Okay, okay, two for seven dollars."
"Please! I need water!" the man exclaims.
"I don't have any water, all I have are ties,"
replies the salesman, as he heads off into the distance.
By now the man has lost all track of time, crawling
through the desert seemingly for days. Finally, nearly
dead, with clothes tattered and skin peeling under the
relentless sun, he comes upon a restaurant. Summoning
his last bit of strength, he staggers to the door and
confronts the head waiter.
"Water ... can I get ... water," the dying
"I'm sorry, sir. Our dress code requires a tie"
replies the waiter.
Q. What did the necktie say to the hat?
A. You go on ahead, I'll just hang around.
Man gets a new tie for his birthday, but after a few
days takes it back to the shop. The assistant asks him
what's wrong with it and the man replies. "The
one end is longer than the other".
A brummie goes for a job interview wearing a polyester
shirt, bright flares and big boots.
The interviewer says: "All you need now is a kipper
The brummie replies: "That would be luvloy, two